Ever hear that old saying, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression?”
It’s popped up everywhere, from commercials to self-help books to internet quote memes. It’s an old-school idea that you probably have in a repeating loop in your brain, just like the rest of us.
Unfortunately, like a lot of well-meaning old-time sayings, having this one lodged in your head might be doing a lot more harm than good.
Like it or not, it’s human nature to worry about what other people think, at least for a second or two! And some might say that as an entrepreneur, you’re even MORE hamstrung by that fear of putting off someone by saying, doing, or being something wrong.
After all, isn’t it up to someone else to decide whether or not a big sale happens (and your business actually makes money)? Shouldn’t you be constantly striving to come off the right way in front of the people who ultimately pay your bills?
It can make you believe that your survival is dependent on someone else’s opinion. As in, make a good impression, don’t be too pushy, and make sure they like you, or ELSE…
But that attitude is based on the one thing that can actually kill a deal before it starts: making the sale about YOU.
Of course, if you’ve ever fallen into that “first impression” trap, you’re not alone!
But what if the most empowering step you can take in making a favorable impression is to forget about impressions altogether? What if the thing that you believe is the solution–focusing on making a good first impression–is actually the PROBLEM?
My friend and colleague, author and speaker Ross Jeffries, shares a radical perspective on first impressions.
“The paradox is to give up the need to make an impression because it never works anyway,” says Ross. “You’re not there to make an impression on someone. You’re there to create a responsive state.”
So when it comes to executing the perfect sales call conversation flow, if you’re fixating on favorable first impressions you’re already barking up the wrong tree.
“The presupposition is that you’re looking to make an impression in the first place. And I don’t think that’s a good place to start,” says Ross. “It’s not about making an impression. It’s about making an impact. And more importantly, it’s creating a state in the other person where they feel listened to and heard.”
Sounds easy enough in theory, but what about making it happen “IRL?”
If that fear of coming off as the sleazy salesperson is keeping you from picking up the phone, read on. We’ve got a few hacks that’ll help ensure that this unnecessary fear doesn’t make you talk yourself out of the sale again.
Let’s start with a little bit of self-talk!
“When you say ‘I don’t want to make a bad impression,’ you’re not giving your mind a direction or forward momentum. You’re simply saying what you DON’T want,” says Ross.
So is it just about flipping your language and turning fearful words into positive affirmations? According to Ross, it goes beyond just shifting your focus from what you DON’T want to what you DO want.
It’s about staking your CLAIM.
“Saying ‘I want something’ still puts you in a position of being separated from it. But if you say I CLAIM my calmness, I CLAIM my ability to stay neutral and focused, that’s different than saying, ‘I WANT it’.”
It’s what Ross calls “Ownership Language.” And it’s one of his most profoundly powerful methods. So how is it different from simply shifting from negative self-talk to happy affirmations?
“I teach how to use ownership words like ‘claim, come from, create, MY.’There’s a difference between saying ‘I claim confidence with my prospects and saying, ‘I claim MY confidence with my prospects.’”
So shifting your self-talk by CLAIMING what is your own is a lot more powerful than just wishing, hoping, and wanting.
But is changing a few key words alone enough to stop stressing about how your clients see you? It’s a definite start. The next step is identifying the source of that bad impression phobia. We all know it’s a well-ingrained fear, but WHY?
“The reason that people worry about making an impression is that they’re so worried about being confident,” Ross explains. “And confidence is not what you need. You need a neutral state.”
Sounds crazy, but sometimes, “confidence” is a little bit overrated. And trying to get there without passing through the neutral state might end up keeping you stuck in fear.
So what is a “neutral state?”
It’s being grounded in your body, outwardly focused, and without an agenda. When you’re in a neutral state, you’re not thinking about the impression that you’re making because you’re not trying to make an impression at all.
This is the stepping stone between paralyzing fear and rock-solid confidence. And it’s a step that too many of us try to skip altogether.
“Everybody teaches confidence,” says Ross. “But how can you have confidence in something you haven’t done well before? You can’t. But you CAN be neutral, and you can be detached.”
Master the art of neutrality and a brand new superpower will be yours. No more forcing premature confidence. You’ll defuse the fear-based emotions that make you focus on YOU. And shift your attention back to where it belongs: on your CLIENT.
Sound like a tall order? Believe it or not, there are practical steps you can take right NOW that will get you on the road to neutrality. And ultimately to less fear and more confidence, if you do it right!
How do you start? Ross offers 3 steps that entrepreneurs and salespeople can take to start mastering the art of neutrality right NOW.
Ready? Let’s get down with detachment right here!
Step 1: Quiet Your Internal Dialogue. Having a lot of mind chatter is a normal thing. But for salespeople and entrepreneurs, that constant jibber-jabber keeps you so stuck in your own thoughts that you end up chasing off your own clients. So dropping that constant conversation with yourself is the place to begin.
But if you’re not careful here, you might fall into the very trap that you’re trying to escape.
“The biggest mistake people make,” says Ross, “Is trying to use their internal dialogue to shut OFF their internal dialogue.” And that old-time “fire with fire” strategy will backfire big-time here if you’re not careful.
“If you have a lot of internal dialogue, don’t argue with yourself about it,” says Ross. “Because then you’re just creating more dialogue.”
Ross explains further why forcing your mind to stop talking is like pouring fuel on the flames.
“An internal dialogue is just a way of trying to get control. And people would rather invest in their fear of failure than open themselves up to the unknown. So number one, embrace the unknown. Don’t run from it.”
That means let your internal chatter do its thing. But then let it go. And the next two steps will make this first step a LOT more practical!
How? By getting out of your mind and into the NOW.
Step 2: Put Your Feet On The Ground. Now, let’s add the power of your physiology and bring your focus to the moment. Ground into your body by focusing 20% on your feet. Let them root into the ground, and breathe from your belly. Pull your energy out of your head, into your body, and come back into the moment.
Step 3: Defocus Your Vision. What about those moments when your pre-sales call panic has upgraded itself to the “fight or flight” stage? Defocus your vision.
What does this mean? Instead of staring straight ahead, shift your perspective by letting your peripheral vision kick in.
“The reason this works,” Ross explains, “Is that when we go into fight-or-flight mode, we’re hardwired by evolution to narrow our focus so we can look at the person attacking us. So when you expand to your peripheral vision, you shut off the fight or flight.”
So more you bring your energy into the moment, the less your mind chatter matters and the more you see the person in front of you with detachment, focus, and curiosity.
So ground into your feet, defocus your vision, and breathe into your belly. That’s 3 real-time ways you can use your body to interrupt your fear.
You don’t have to go from paralyzing fear to radiant confidence in ten seconds flat. If you shift your focus from a state of gut-wrenching terror to a state of peaceful neutrality FIRST, magic starts happening.
“A key takeaway that I teach is that you’re never selling your programs. You’re selling decisions and good feelings about decisions,” says Ross.
That means that whether your program is $10,000 or ten MILLION dollars is irrelevant. What matters is how well you communicate your value. How much you support your client in making a decision. And how much you let go of the outcome no matter how big you THINK the stakes are.
It all starts with staying out of your own way. Focusing outward, being in the moment, and remembering that it’s NOT about you. Use these 3 tips regularly and you’ll be able to let go of fear, master neutrality, and get closer to full-on confidence.
In the end, the more you forget about making an impression, the more likely you’re going to leave the client feeling thoroughly impressed!
Ready to hear ALL of Ross Jeffries’ radical secrets to selling? Ross explains why you don’t need to make an impression, how to get people to convince THEMSELVES to buy from you, and why NOT calling yourself a “salesperson” is the key to sales success!
Sound crazy? This is just the beginning! Don’t miss this mind-blowingly fascinating (AND crazy entertaining) episode of Coffee Is For Closers! Join us right HERE!
