You might think that the single biggest fear most entrepreneurs have is failure. A launch flopping big-time. The customer saying “no.” A business going bust and losing vast amounts of money.
But Seth Godin points out a particular fear that I believe dream chasers resist even more than the prospect of a business disaster. He contends that it isn’t the fear of failure that holds you back and keeps you small. It’s the fear of criticism.
In other words, Royal Fam, we’re talking about the fear of what other people THINK.
Here’s the deal, though. When you’re going after a dream and your personal mission sets your soul on fire, something shifts inside you.
You’ll do what it takes to make things happen. You’ll make that call, go to that meeting, or approach that rock-star influencer that you’ve been dying to connect with. And you’ll do all of the above without caring one little bit about what anyone thinks of you.
Now, I’m not saying that you’ll NEVER have a moment. You’re going to have some gut-check moments where you ask yourself if you’re pushing too hard, coming off as foolish, or being downright annoying.
But in the end, if you believe in yourself and what you stand for, you’ll get past the doubt a lot faster. You’ll pick up the phone and call that prospect. You’ll risk being judged and make your pitch.
If that person laughs, rolls their eyes, or tells you no, you’ll simply take note of the feedback. You won’t take it personally (not too much, anyway). And you’ll make a plan to do better next time.
But one thing that you won’t do? You won’t worry about what that person thinks of you. Because it just won’t matter.
My colleague, friend, and personal champion Michael Martin of Vitamin Shoppe sees a lot of people come in and state their cases. Being a buyer for a billion dollar company means that he sees more pitches and presentations than you’ve probably seen of Friends reruns.
“I get pitches all the time. I’ve seen tens of thousands of presentations. And the entrepreneurs that don’t have that fear of criticism and who are open for feedback are the ones who are the most successful.” says Michael.
Let me ask you this: is the idea of being criticized, ridiculed, or judged by others even scarier than outright crashing and burning?
If you’re like a lot of us, your answer is probably “yes.” And I bet that giving into those fears has cost you many opportunities up until now. If that’s the case, you’re not alone.
So what does Michael suggest you do when you’re worried about being embarrassed or humiliated to the point where you don’t pitch your product or service at all?
First of all, become aware of what’s going on in your head. “I’m big into self-talk. And checking myself. And thinking about what I’m telling myself all the time.”
Then ask yourself this: Is any of your mind chatter even true?
Let’s say you have a product, our friend Michael is a buyer, and you really want to reach out to him. Then your head kicks in.
What if he doesn’t like it? What if he says that that’s the worst packaging he’s ever seen? What if he says you’ll never make it in this business and you might as well go home and get a job? It’s easy to see how the negative thought onslaught can stop you before you even start.
But I would counter that argument with this: what if he loves it?
The bottom line is this: it doesn’t matter what other people think of you. What DOES matter is that you follow your passion, take action and prepare as best as you can, and get it out there.
Whatever happens next is simply feedback. You get the feedback that you can use to make your products and your pitch even better. You receive experience that’ll give you even more resilience
If you hold back because you’re afraid of how you might look or what someone might say, the game is over before it starts.
But when you stop caring what other people might think of you, you find the courage to talk to influencers. You pitch your products and services with confidence. You get the feedback that you need to go to new heights without letting it hit you in the ego.
When Michael and I met, I walked right up to him at the expo we were attending. I looked at his badge, caught his name and his title, and jumped right into conversation without hesitation.
Sounds pretty forward, right?
It turned out to be the start of a beautiful business friendship. He and I worked together tirelessly over the next several months to get my products into Vitamin Shoppe locations across the country. We pushed boundaries, broke new ground, and had all kinds of fun in the process.
But if I was too fearful to approach him, none of that would have happened. Luckily, I chose to say to myself, “Well, I really don’t care what he thinks of me. I’m just going to give it a whirl.”
I decided that taking a chance was a lot better than sitting there, doing nothing, and wondering what would’ve happened if I would’ve perked up the courage to go say hello.
Here’s the bottom line. I didn’t care what he thought of me.
All I really cared about was making a connection, sharing my passion, and getting some useful feedback. What his personal opinion of me might’ve been was irrelevant because I decided to not let it matter.
So how do you make owning yourself happen in the real world?
I’ve got three steps that will help you own your passion, up your resilience, and make you impervious to the fear of a naysaying opinion.
Let’s get to it right here!
Step 1: Be completely self-aware (or, own your craziness!). One of the best qualities that you as an entrepreneur can have is self-awareness. Awareness of your own crazy enthusiasm, that is! And according to Michael, this is something that I do quite well.
What does that mean? Michael explains. “Michelle would call me, email me, and call me again. Then I would get a text. She would say, ‘I’m not going to bug you too much, I just need 10 minutes on the phone.’”
In other words, not only was I following up at every opportunity but also I was owning my actions with a touch of humor. And according to Michael, the fact that I was completely aware of myself made my strategies that much more effective. “You would make fun of yourself. I think this kind of self-awareness is the difference between someone who is annoying and someone who is not.”
THAT, Royal Fam, is how you become “professionally annoying”. Knowing yourself. Owning yourself. Being serious about what you do, but not taking yourself too seriously. And of course, not worrying about what others think of you.
Step 2: Find a champion. What is a champion? Someone who supports you. A mentor and collaborator who shares your vision. When you combine your vision and your passions, you’ll have what you need not only to make big things happen, but also to help you keep a solid foundation of resilience.
When I was on my Vitamin Shoppe quest, Michael was a true champion for me. We hit it off from the beginning. We developed that rapport and that relationship (remember how we talked about that before?). He trusted me and he believed in me. Together we moved mountains to get my products on the shelves.
How do you find the right champion for yourself? Find someone in the field who shares your vision. Trust your intuition on who that might be, then reach out in a professional way to get that relationship started one step at a time.
Step 3: Do something that makes you strong. Michael highly recommends taking on something that is challenging. I know, entrepreneurship is challenging enough on its own. You may scoff at the idea of adding something else intended to kick your butt, but stay with me on this!
This is about taking on a challenge outside of entrepreneurship. A challenge that not only requires discipline and dedication, but also will give you perspective on what it really means to be strong.
Michael’s favorite non-work challenge is Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Why? Because it’s hard. It’s an opportunity to push himself outside the day to day challenges of business.
So what about that perspective part? Michael explains this further: “If I start my day in a class where I had a 250-pound guy trying to strangle me, then the rest of the day gets a LOT easier.”
He recommends choosing something that is humbling. Something that might be painful at first, but empowering at the end.
If you take on challenging things to condition yourself in all ways, you’re going to find that self-worth and resilience comes a lot more easily.
When it comes to doing your thing without worrying about what others think of you, Michael shares one more insight. “The brands that try to appeal to everybody are the ones that fail.” It comes back to that old saying that if you try to stand for everything, you’ll stand for nothing.
It’s not about being a people-pleaser. Trying to make everybody happy automatically ties your self-worth to other people’s opinions.
Remember that what other people think of you is none of your business.
Own yourself, you worth, your passion, and of course your craziness. Find a champion who shares your vision and will help you stay strong and resilient. And finally, find a challenging passion outside of your business that helps you realize how strong you can really be.
Set that solid foundation in yourself and you’ll always be able to free yourself from the opinions of others. This is the path to where the true magic begins.
Ready to start owning yourself free yourself from the opinions of others? Download my free new guide, “What Other People Think Doesn’t Matter: 3 Steps To Owning Yourself” and put these steps into action today!
